Funny Quotes

If you say you're cooler than me. Does that make me hotter than you.

If you say you’re cooler than me. Does that make me hotter than you. – Funny Quotes

Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and poop on their heads.

Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and poop on their heads. – Funny Quotes

Me ? Mature ? ha, I still laugh when the ketchup bottle " Farts "

Me ? Mature ? ha, I still laugh when the ketchup bottle ” Farts “

I hate it when people are at your house and ask " Do you have a bathroom ? " no, we pee in the yard.

I hate it when people are at your house and ask ” Do you have a bathroom ? ” no, we pee in the yard. – Funny Quotes

Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before going to bed ?

Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before going to bed ?

Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.

Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it. – Funny Quotes

Isn't it freaking frustrating when you're the only person who can see how evil and manipulative someone is, and everyone else is blind to it ?

Isn’t it freaking frustrating when you’re the only person who can see how evil and manipulative someone is, and everyone else is blind to it ?

The best thing about me. I'm a limited edition. There are no other copies. Bet you're thinking thank the good lord.

The best thing about me. I’m a limited edition. There are no other copies. Bet you’re thinking thank the good lord.

Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

When you're stressed, you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. why ? because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

When you’re stressed, you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. why ? because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

This is a test, if you can read this all the way down to here.

This is a test, if you can read this all the way down to here.

A12 funny quotes

Don’t text me while, I’m in the middle of texting you. Now I have to change my whole text.

After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W T F.

After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W T F.

Did you just fall ? No, I attacked the floor " backwards " ? I'm freaking talented.

Did you just fall ? No, I attacked the floor ” backwards ” ? I’m freaking talented.

How do I like my eggs ? Umm, In a cake.

How do I like my eggs ? Umm, In a cake.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often. - Oliver Herford

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s. She changes it more often. – Oliver Herford

My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I'm not dead.

My goal this weekend is to move only enough so people know I’m not dead. – Funny Quotes

Farting is like the song from frozen. Work: conceal, don't feel, don't let them know. At home: let it go ! let it go ! can't hold it back anymore.

Farting is like the song from frozen. Work: conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know. At home: let it go ! let it go ! can’t hold it back anymore.

Hey, I'll be back in 5 minutes. But if I'm not, just read this message again.

Hey, I’ll be back in 5 minutes. But if I’m not, just read this message again.

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you're about to die.

That moment when you miss one step on the stairs, and you think you’re about to die.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. - Isaac Asimov

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov

I changed my password to " incorrect ". so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say " your password is incorrect "

I changed my password to ” incorrect “. so whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say ” your password is incorrect “



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